Afraid? Apprehensive?

Judging by the title one might think I am talking about my feelings about my grandpa. Not this time.

Nope.

Afraid. Im not sure if thats the most accurate word to describe what im feeling. I keep putting off trying to pursue a second opinion on my hip and I have yet to schedule my physical therapy n which the back doctor told me to go to two months ago. Im not sure if I am afraid of what the hip doctor might say when I go. Ive already been told by one Dr. that I have degenerative arthritis in my right hip. At 36? Seems a bit odd and unusual. Even Dr. Chris on my running board seems to think its a bit unusual. So what am I afraid of?

Afraid. Going to physical therapy doesnt scare me. I went through a round of it for my ITBS almost two years ago. I think the biggest thing I am afraid of is Debbie bitching at me. She said to me not to long ago that some of this stuff might be in my head. Not sure what she meant about it but who knows, she could be on to something. Yeah right, the constant discomfort I am is just a figment of my imagination.

Afraid. Last year while I was supposed to be training for the Philadelphia Half Marathon, I was afraid of going out and running. I was in discomfort at points after the Pig and before Philly. Would it have hurt me more to go out and run? Maybe yes, maybe no. But I didnt even try. I just convinced myself that I would be hurting more so after my runs than prior to so I didnt make an attempt. The month or so prior to Philly I was so worried that I might do more damage to myself and be screwed up from doing Philly that I couldnt sleep.

Gee here it is two months after Philly and I am no worse than I was prior. Hmmmm, maybe I should get off my dead ass, do my physical therapy and then get back out there and run.

What a concept!

How 'bout them Giants

Wow! Thats the easiest way to describe how I feel about the outcome of yesterday's NFC Championship game between the Green Bay Packers and my New York Giants.

Nobody expected much out of the Giants this year, especially after their 0-2 start. Not to mention all the Eli Manning haters out their. I think both the team and Eli earned the respect of their critics as the season and the playoffs wore on. Now its off to my old city of residence Glendale, AZ for Super Bowl 42. Ill definately be tuning into that one. When the Giants last made the Super Bowl in 2000 I was unable to watch the game as I was at a drag race. My how things have changed. I no longer own a race car and the Giants are in back in the Super Bowl for the 4th time.

Its too bad the tickets for the SB are so far out of reach price wise for the everday joe. Id love to go see them game but alas ill be watching it on the tube. Maybe Ill go down to the stadium and try to do some tailgating.

A beginning to an end

Well my grandfather went for his first radiation treatment yesterday. Apparently it went as well as it should. My grandfather had some quesitons for the radiologist. My grandfather's biggest concerns are will he bed ridden in the end and will be in pain. The radiologist told my grandpa that if he could answet the questions with 100% accuracy, he'd be a millionaire. He did explain to grandpa that so long as the cancer doenst spread into his spine, he shouldnt be in much pain. Being that the cancer is in his lung, he will probably see more breathing issues more than anything.

My mom ( who was with grandpa at the appt ) said my grandpa started to cry after he was dont talking to the radiologist. The realization that this is just going to prolong his life and that he will succumb to this terrible disease hit him hard. It was all I could do at the dinner table to avoid starting to cry as my mom told me this.

This is alot different than when my maternal grandmother died when i was a kid. It was sudden and unexpected. With grandpa, its just a waiting game. You know its going to happen, its just when and will it be peaceful.

JUst because you know something like this is coming, it doesnt make it any easier. Ill probalby be an emotional mess when he does leave.

Slacker

Wow, its been a week since my last entry. I didnt realize it had been that long. Were to start, what to say.

I got on the scale Monday and it showed exactly what it did the week prior, 204 lbs. I guess I figured out how to maintain my weight, I just need to get to losing it. There are several things I need to improve on for this to occur. I need to up my water intake and drop the soda and crap intake. This week hasnt gone as well as I would liked. I seem to be eating crap that I shouldnt and drinking more soda than I shouldve. I definately need to improve on this the rest of the week.

My grandfather was admitted to the hospital with chest pains and shortness of breath. They admitted him and kept him overnight. Not sure whats up as I havent talked to him or my mom today. He has yet to start his radiation treaments. Not sure when that will happen.

Maybe one of these days my blog might sound as articlulate and well thought out like Kris or some of my other friends blogs =)

Snow

After the rather depressing blog from yesterday I thought Id post a pic of something that I generaly dont see much of. SNOW!! Yes in Arizona and a lot of it. We traveled up to Flagstaff and Williams over the weekend to take the kids on the Polar Express train on Saturday night. A fun time was had by all. Ill try to get more pics of the train activities later. On our way home Sunday was stopped in Flagstaff to let the kids play and experience snow for the first time. They loved it until they got cold and wet. Next time we will plan things a bit better.

Cancer sucks

Well here it is, the newest installment of my blog. This week it isnt about weight loss/gains, eating right or any of that nature. Its about my grandfather and his recent diagnosis of stage 4 lung cancer.

Cancer isnt new to grandpa, as he has battled prostate cancer previously. After battling prostate cancer we all thought cancer was behind us. Well obviously his body had other ideas. He recently had a fall and hurt his ribs in the process. He kept complaining about how his ribs hurt so he went to his Dr and had x-rays taken. Well there wasnt anything broken but they did see a spot on his ribcage and his lung.

A cat scan was scheduled. Well just a few days prior to his scheduled cat scan, he started having chest pains and shortness of breath. This was on Sunday Dec 16th. He finally went to the hospital on Tuesday ( my birthday naturaly ) They kept him over night for observation and then the next day he had his scan done.

Fast foward to the week of January 7th. He went for his results from his cat scan. As it turns out the spot on his lung is cancer along with the spot on his rib. Surgery isnt an option. Grandpa said no to Chemo. He has elected to do radiation. He goes to the chest Dr and the radiologist with my mom today. I guess they will schedule the start of his treatment.

Im nervous, worried and scared. Im trying to think positive. The thought keeps entering my head that I am going to lose my grandpa. Im very fortunate that at 36 years of age I still have him in my life. Eventualy he will leave us for a better place. Im just not sure Im ready for him to go.

I really feel fortuntate that I have some family and friends that are strong and are there for me. I cant thank those people enough

Happy New Year

Well here it is, the start of a brand new year. All those resolutions, plans and ideas. Im doing it a bit different this year. Im not resolving to do anything. They always fall through anyways.

I have some fitness/health goals in mind

1. Lose 25 lbs by December 18th ( my 37th birthday )
How am I going to do that you may ask? First by quitting or severly cutting back on my Coke/Pepsi and sweets intake. Smaller portions, more water and healthier snacking are up there too.

2. Hitting the gym 3-4x a week. Concentrating on core strength/conditioning. ALso getting in 2 Pilates/Yoga classes a week and come cross training.

3 Get my back and hip/groin as close to 100% healthy as I can.

4. Return to running by sometime this summer

Thats about it for the fitness/health goals

I have some plans on trying to reduce our debt but havent discussed them with Debbie yet.