Im Pathetic....

Why would I choose to describe myself that way, let me tell you.

In the last few months Ive pretty much done nothing exercise wise. I could probably count on one hand how many times I have been to the Y since about March. No walks, no jaunts on the bike, no swimming, wieghts, nodda!. Oh sure there was the hockey clinic in March, a brief run/walk on the treadmill and a mat Pilates class last Thursday but nothing substantial since the beginning of March. Im not sure what it is. The bottom line is I make a lot of excuse as to why I dont get to the Y either at lunch or after work. Im too tired, Debbie needs me at home, itll bother my neck/back/whatever. Same with getting up earlier than normal during the week to try to exercise. I stayed up too late, hit the snooze one too many times, blah blah, blah.

Its gotten to the point that I dont even like checking in at Kick because I feel like a poser and a failure ( that an just a plain lazy ass who doesnt fit in )

I cant even blame it on the craziness of life around the time Lori passed away cuz I was a slug prior to that. I dont have a legitimate excuse.

I recently read an article in one of my few stops at Kick. It was written by Novia and it was about reassessing. Her quote toward the end really hit me hard.

“There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when it's convenient. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses; only results.”

I think it describes how I do things when it comes to working out, lifting, running etc. Apparently Im just interested in doing these things as I seem to only do them when its convenient to do so. Im not sure if Im afraid Im going to get hurt, reinjure something, I just dont know. I enjoy doing this stuff but something keeps holding me back. There are times especialy when it comes to running in particular that I wonder why I want to return to it. Is it because I really like running or do I just want to feel accepted by the gang on the board? Sure I havent been cleard by the chiro yet to return to running but when I do, whats going to stop me from doing it.

Im not sure how much time I will have to do it but I think while I am gone to Peru Im going to try to take a real hard look at myself and maybe do some of my own reassessing. Id like to turn over a new leaf when I get back, we shall see